Going On A Bear Hunt...

Firsts

2012-01-31T13:40:00.001-05:00

Today was a day of firsts. Asher got his first pair of AFO's, ankle foot orthotics. They should help with his ankle weakness and standing balance. We picked camoflauge, not because we hunt, but just because it looked cool. Well, as cool as big, bulky leg braces can look on a toddler; and big they are.... The new braces led to a trip to Target, totally breaking isolation rules, in an attempt to find shoes to fit over said monster braces. Another first occurred when they boys road together in one of those double mommy carts at Target. They both did great, although Sam was a tad bit apprehensive at first. Not a single shoe fit, by the way. A quick trip to Raleigh resulted in the purchase of a pair of Converse high tops, the only shoe I could sort of cram the brace into... and believe me we tried every shoe in several stores. A very helpful salesclerk said skater shoes usually work but the only ones in toddler sizes had elastic laces, which for the record, don't work. Ash has been very sweet, though, as his mother sweats and struggles to get his AFO's on and then stuff them into his shoes.

The last first was, of course, the boys' joint bath. Everyone had lots of fun until Sam stole Asher's ball. :)

Worth a 1000 words....

2012-01-20T21:17:00.001-05:00

What can I say? The picture says it all...

Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet Boys!

2012-01-16T21:00:00.001-05:00

Rather than focusing on that day two years ago, I prefer to be thankful for today and the two sweet boys that we have sleeping in their cribs. Ash surprised us by feeding himself some of his cupcake. He NEVER would dreamed of even touching the cake, much less feeding it to himself just a few months ago. Sam thoroughly enjoyed his cupcake, of course. :).

On the hunt...

2012-01-08T21:03:00.001-05:00

We are on the hunt for the best park in town. The boys love slides; Ash loves going down head first. Sam can pretty much do stairs by himself now after our trip on Friday afternoon. Free physical therapy.... :)

"Nackie"

2012-01-03T20:19:00.001-05:00

....as Sam fondly calls all meals :). The boys love their new table from Oma and Papa. Asher actually sits really well at the table. Sam spends half of his day getting in and out of the chairs. Needless to say, it has been a huge hit.

2011-12-26

2011-12-27T22:25:00.001-05:00

25 pictures
Click here to view these pictures larger

Sharing

2011-12-14T13:39:00.002-05:00

So, for better or worse, Sam has embraced the idea of sharing. When I say for better or for worse, I mean he has embraced the idea of sharing all of his toys, stuffed animals, sippy cups, and even beloved taggie with Max, our golden retriever. Charlie, the older, hence wiser, dog seems to realize that Sam has nothing to give him of any value, i.e. food. Max, though, has a love affair with his little person and happily takes anything Sam offers. I thought he ate one of those leap frog refrigerator magnets last week, but fortunately, I found the remnants tucked under his dog bed. Yesterday one of the five precious balls to Asher's ball popper was shredded to purple plastic confetti. Asher has yet to join in the sharing fun. Rather, he just likes to crawl up to the gate and let Max lick his whole head while he giggles hysterically....

Toddlers

2011-11-28T23:00:00.003-05:00

Last year's Christmas photos involved chubby cherubs excited to just be propped up on the couch. The results...50 delightful pictures to choose from. We definitely have toddlers now! :) I've given you a little taste of our Christmas photo choices; my favorite is the one with me rushing in to pull Asher off of Sam. I have to say that I am enjoying their little personalities now; makes life exciting. :)

National Prematurity Awareness Day (well, at this point it was actually yesterday)

2011-11-18T00:05:00.007-05:00

In honor of World Prematurity Day, I decided to stay up way too late redesigning our blog and changing the title. Why change the title you ask? My sister-in-law started the blog for us when I was first hospitalized. She thought I might want to journal about what was happening, keeping others up-to-date so that they could pray for us. I can't thank her enough for her thoughtful insight. I have decided that the time had come to make the blog our family blog, not just a blog about the boys' traumatic entry into this world. To explain the title, well, we love bears. Yes, after 7 years of marriage, Jess really has rubbed off on me :). Really, though I love the book, We are Going On A Bear Hunt. If you haven't read it, you should. :) The story chronicles a family's search for a bear; on the way, the family comes across numerous obstacles that they can't go avoid, but must face on their journey. To me, that sums up our family's situation so well. We choose to look at life as an adventure, trying to meet each day with eagerness and determination. We do face many obstacles, most left behind by our old nemesis, prematurity. We can't avoid these obstacles, there are no magic cures; instead, we must face them head on, with lots of prayer, hard work, patience, and love. Sometimes, we might be scared, but thankfully, we have a God to whom we can turn for strength, comfort, and peace.

I have thought a lot about what to write today in honor of World Prematurity Day. I've read quite a few blogs on the subject. I guess I can only speak from my experiences and perspective. I have learned that you can do all the right things, and still have a premature baby. I have learned more technical and medical terms than any parent should have to know. I have learned that well-meaning people can wound you with the most well-intended words. Please don't ever tell a mom of a preemie, for instance, "At least you can get some sleep at night..." Most mom's are up pumping through the night. I also know that I didn't sleep terribly well wondering if my children had lived through the night. I have also learned how kind people can be, and how comforted I was knowing so many people were lifting my boys up in prayer. I have learned to not judge someone until I have walked in their shoes for awhile. I have learned to find joy in each day and keep my perspective. Why did I ever fret over such trivial things? I have also learned that prematurity does not end with discharge from the hospital. I have learned how to cope with feeding issues, paralyzed vocal cords, low muscle tone, glasses, sensory processing issues, delays, medicines, tons of doctors visits, never-ending disputes with the insurance company, cuts to the early intervention program, and therapy 4 days a week. I have learned that having children with special needs can be very isolating. There are weeks (like this one), when I only see my husband and children, our therapists, and Granny. I have not driven my car in almost 5 days. I have learned who my true friends are...the ones who are still by my side now that I am not in crisis mode anymore, but toiling through the snares of every day living. I have learned that sometimes staying home is a blessing...we play, read books, snuggle, cuddle, and have no where to be each day other than with one another. No one is asking about Sam's glasses, or if Asher's walking yet.... If they are normal...(and yes, people have asked that question to more than one of my friends) Instead, they get to be just Sam and Asher. They are loved simply for that reason. I have learned more than I want to know about prematurity, but I am so thankful to have had a reason to... I am thankful that I still have both of my sweet boys.

Our Lion and Lamb

2011-11-01T22:50:00.002-04:00

So, yes, we did dress up for the first time. We only visited our two neighbors due to the rain. We actually spent much more time trying to get some photos. Out of about 100 photos, we only have maybe one or two of Sam that are not blurry. That boy is ALWAYS on the move... :)

Big Day

2011-10-28T22:31:00.003-04:00

I had to run and get my camera in a fit of excitement to get this photo. Sam had a photo of the first time he pulled up in his crib, and I've been waiting and waiting for Ash. As of three weeks ago, Asher was still army crawling, still dragging his right leg. He would pull up to his knees at times. Suddenly, one day, he decided to pull up in his crib. Then he pulled up in his pack n' play, at the couch, and at his music table.... Asher is also crawling on his hands and knees almost all of the time as well as cruising. As always, when Asher finally reaches a developmental milestone, he decides to throw in about five others at well. He still is Asher; he still has his sensory issues, but he continues to meet milestones. Never underestimate Asher.

Our Journey

2011-10-13T22:38:00.002-04:00

Happy Belated Birthday GG!

2011-10-11T22:40:00.005-04:00

The Tortoise and The Hare-Part 2

2011-10-11T20:21:00.004-04:00

Asher, our little tortoise, decides to do things, well, anything, in his own time. We've been waiting and waiting for him to crawl on his hands and knees. When the weather cooled off, and with Sam walking so well, we've been playing outside every evening. Asher, to our surprise, has started crawling in the grass. On the hard woods, he drags himself, but apparently the resistance of the grass encourages him to crawl. Today, he translated his outdoor abilities on our rug in the living room. I set him down on one side, and he proceeded to crawl all the way across it. Whoohoo! Then, to really get Mommy and Daddy going, when I went to check on him during nap, I found him on his knees hanging from the top crib rail doing his best to pull up. Needless to say, we are super excited. He's not going to be running down the street in the next few months, but he's making huge progress.

Sam seems to be deciding that OT is not on his agenda. In the past few weeks he has pretty much met every OT goal he had...puzzles, shape sorters, hammering, putting pegs in a board, putting coins in a bank, coloring... you name it. Just to go the extra mile, he has decided he wants to feed himself with a spoon. He resorts to his hands a lot, but he can actually dip his spoon in his bowl and put it in his own mouth. The final straw occurred on Sunday after nap time. Jess went in to get the boys up since we heard them chattering. He started laughing as soon as he walked in the room. Lounging in the corner of his crib, Sam happily smiled at him wearing nothing but his jeans. He had shed both his socks and his LONG SLEEVED T-SHIRT during nap. Any 20 month old who can feed himself with a spoon and take off his own shirt unassisted probably doesn't need weekly OT visits. We think this is totally awesome, as we will soon have to add speech therapy. Both boys officially have 3 words each, but obviously, we need more than that based on their age. Ash doesn't understand as much as Sam, but Sam can follow almost any simple direction now. We are starting to have to watch what we say around him, especially since he can't tell us what he heard yet. :)

Fall crept up on me this year. We promised ourselves that we would go into a modified lock down this year to protect the boys' lungs from the dreaded RSV. Last year was tough, but this year might be tougher since we have gotten use to taking them out and about. The boys LOVE hustle and bustle; the more going on the better. When we took them to the mall, you would have thought we were at Disney. Hanging around the house will be a challenge, but we feel like we should try to scale back. The boys have weathered several colds pretty well, but after living in the hospital for four months, we don't want them to ever have to go back. We will be getting hard core with the hand washing, staying at home most of the time, and when we do go out, sticking to outdoor settings at off times of day. Hopefully no one, particularly mommy, will go too crazy.

Brotherly Love

2011-09-27T21:19:00.001-04:00

Typical Sam

2011-09-13T21:30:00.002-04:00

With Taggie in hand and thumb where it ALWAYS is..... Go SAM! :)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2011-08-30T22:27:00.008-04:00

Waiting for Daddy...

Pushing my cart; sippy cup available at a moment's notice!

The Good:

As demonstrated by photo evidence, Asher loves eating graham crackers. He happily feeds himself the crackers with no signs of distress. A pretty big change for the little guy who gagged on thick purees two months ago! We are pretty jazzed, to say the least. Sam Sam has decided that he likes walking. He still loves to run around (yes, literally run) with his little push cart, but he has been walking solo quite a bit more. He also mastered the stairs at his cousins' house in about two minutes. Needless to say, I am glad that we live in a one story house. He is lightening fast on those stairs!

The Bad:

Well, nothing is truly bad....For every rain cloud, we have a silver lining. While we still see speech in our future, we do see some gains in the communication area. Neither of the boys have any words yet, but Sam, particularly, seems to be understanding a lot of what we say and following simple commands. Both guys do vocalize to get our attention and seem to be more interested in communication/language. We'll just have to wait and see. The speech eval is planned for late fall. Asher's sensory issues have kicked into full swing lately. Really, I am not sure if they are much worse than they were, or he's just getting older, so they are more noticeable. The good news is, we love our new OT and supervising PT. Both have some fresh ideas for our sweet little boy, and we are excited to get working.

The Ugly:

Nothing ugly in our life other than Hurricane Irene. All I can say is a week with an earthquake, a hurricane, and a hail storm/possible tornado is pretty crazy.

The Ball Pit

2011-08-06T21:55:00.004-04:00

So, the "play yard" has been temporarily packed up to make room for the ball pit... I never thought I'd have a homemade ball pit in my living room, but I am pretty open to having a carnival ride in the house if it would be good for the boys. Both boys exhibit
some sensory issues, Asher much more so than Sam. We loved our old OT, but she left for a school position in July. We are hoping our new OT will have experience working with kids with sensory issues. Ash doesn't avoid stimulation, rather he tends to seek it out. As one of our NICU nurses pointed out, though, if you developed in a glass box with all sorts of things poking and prodding you plus surrounded by constant beeping and loud noise, you might have a few sensory issues, too. As his mom, I spend way too much time analyzing his every move, hence lots of reading and a ball pit. The boys love it. Asher slithers in and out of it all day; he loves to wallow in it. Sam pretty much just likes to throw the balls. I've included a few pictures of the boys enjoying their new "toy." If you know Asher, you'll know the last picture captures him demonstrating his circus-like ball skills. He might not be able to walk, but he can juggle almost any size ball with his feet. His new discovery, the large blue exercise ball in our spare bedroom, seems like a daunting challenge, but don't worry, he's determined to juggle that ball, too. When he accomplishes said feat, I told Jess that I will most definitely be signing him up America's Got Talent.

Going Bananas!

2011-07-20T13:39:00.005-04:00

Sam putting blocks into his cup all by himself!

Fighting over the silver bowl... with Sam wearing his punk rock glove (actually socks in attempt to save what's left of his skin from all the thumbsucking)

Asher ate some banana...not mashed banana, not pureed banana, not blenderized banana, but a real piece of banana. Drum roll please.....he did not gag, choke, strangle to death, or throw up. He actually ate quite a few pieces for his Daddy. Since then, he has tried green beans, eggs, and a little french toast. Asher is still a little wary, but once he gets a bite, he opens his mouth for more. No steaks in our near future, but progress nonetheless!

Independence

2011-07-13T21:47:00.003-04:00

On July 4th, Sam decided to assert his independence and take his first steps. He took a few steps into his Daddy's outstretched arms. I'm so happy that both of us witnessed those precious little feet move for the first time (that we know of.... :) Yesterday, Sam set his new record with six steps as he was showing off for his Papa. Asher, deciding not to be left too far behind, got up on his hands and knees July 4th weekend for the first time. Yesterday, he crawled for the first time on his hands and knees. (instead of his usual army crawl) When Jess went to check on the boys this morning, he found Asher on his hands and knees rocking... He said he thought the boys had changed cribs overnight! He couldn't believe that he was looking at Asher. Today for their OT, both guys proudly dropped items in containers. Asher's face lit up like a Christmas tree when we clapped like crazy people for him. I don't think he cared one bit about dropping that ball in the gumball machine; rather, I think he loved seeing two grown women go bananas!

Standing

2011-06-30T23:25:00.002-04:00

We've waited awhile for our one little guy to get stronger and more mobile. He is growing and changing by leaps and bounds. Today, after I helped him pull up to the window, he stood and played for quite awhile. Sam came and joined him, because he loves being wherever his brother is... The guys enjoyed banging on the window together, laughing, and looking at the world outside.

Goggles

2011-06-26T21:26:00.005-04:00

"So, did he just come from the pool? Look at those cute goggles!" says employee at the local Children's/Art Museum while pointing and smiling at Sam.
"No," smile... "They are glasses." smile...disbelieving mom...I mean SWIM GOGGLES!
"Oh, are they sunglasses?" asks employee...
"No," responds mom while thinking, no, the NON-TINTED glasses are not sunglasses.... "They are real."
"So, are they real glasses?" asks disbelieving woman.
"Yes, they are REAL glasses. He needs them to see better." smile, smile...

Wow, yes, this is an actual exchange had today. (and I spared you the part of the conversation where she asked if my blond, blue-eyed son and brown-haired, brown-eyed son were IDENTICAL twins) Apparently, Sam is single-handedly educating the world about vision loss at young age and infant eye apparel. I don't mind answering questions for the most part, especially when children ask. I am very happy to explain why Sam needs glasses, and kids seem particularly interested. I don't even mind explaining the situation to adults. Sometimes, though, I just can't believe what people say...swim goggles....really....

(and if you are any one of the number of well-meaning people who have asked any of the above questions in a similar conversation, I'm sorry; really, I don't mean to offend... sometimes we just have to have a chuckle about stuff like this or we would go crazy. You shouldn't feel too bad, either, because an ER NURSE asked the "are they real?" question recently! :)

Lost

2011-06-21T23:45:00.002-04:00

I lost Asher today. Well, maybe not exactly lost....he was playing on the living room rug while I made lunch. After a few minutes, I stuck my head in the room, and no Asher to be seen! I looked behind the couch (free floating in the room :), no Asher... I went into his room, and there he was, with a big smile on his face. Needless to say, Asher seems to have become a bit of an explorer. He's found the fireplace, the front door, and his room. I'm not use to him being on the go, but I'm so happy he got himself "lost" today. He also put 6 cubes in a cup for me two different times today. I'm not sure anyone really understands my utter excitement over this development. I mean really, cubes in a cup; even I realize that doesn't sound too monumental. However, when you and the OT have been cajoling, begging, and pleading with two babies to just drop a single ball/cube/block in a cup, bowl, metal bowl, giraffe toy, bubble gum machine toy, metal bucket, plastic bucket, basketball goal, and/or your hand for several months, 6 times in a row twice in one day almost merits a full blown party. I'm hoping he'll repeat the performance for the OT tomorrow, but as he often tells me, he's no trained seal. Sam Sam, or "Tanker Truck," as we now call him is on the move. He's up to 22 lbs, solid as a tank, and sooooo speedy. He can zoom across the floor pushing his little car. He also loves to play with his brother, but it usually involves Asher getting hit in the head. Today he bopped him with a beach ball which was much better than the time he clocked him with the car.... Cups are going better. Both boys still get one bottle a day, Asher's with pediasure. They've actually gained more weight since we dropped bottles, plus Asher's reflux does seem better. Both boys survived another illness, although we did end our fantastic family beach trip with a quick ER trip. Asher woke up with a terrible case of croup at 2 AM. After a steroid treatment, a neb treatment, and some rest, he was much better, thankfully. We did have a great trip, but that will have to be another post. :)

The Boys Playing

2011-06-08T22:07:00.002-04:00

Sippy Cup Wars 2011

2011-06-06T22:22:00.002-04:00

Sam Sam might be the most stubborn, determined one year old on the planet.... We decided to drop bottles this past weekend for several reasons. Asher's vomiting seemed to be worsening; he generally seems to vomit after/during a bottle, especially at night. Since moving over to sippy cups of milk, he has not vomited once, plus he no longer needs his miralax anymore. Woohoo! Sam Sam is another story. Developmentally, he is more than ready to move to a cup. He has stubbornly decided that he wants only his bottle with formula. We have been trying to encourage the cup... Well, really the open cup, 40 different sippy cups, grown-up water bottles, cups with lids, cups without lids, cups with valves, cups without valves, straw cups, cups with water, milk, chocolate milk, pediasure, or apple juice. Sam pretty much rejects them all. We get him to take several sips a day out of a real cup, no baby cup for him. The compromise we have agreed upon with Sam (well, he didn't really agree, but we have the deciding vote) is a bottle before bedtime. Between the milk in his cereal, his bottle, and the fluid he condescends to drink during the day, he isn't dehydrated, just not thrilled with us. I'm hoping that he'll learn to love his cup as much as he loves me and his bottle. :) Without so much high cal formula, the boys have been eating like horses. I can't give them enough food, which is a huge blessing. (as I am still a closet calorie counter...counting every calorie the boys eat, I know that they most certainly eat more than the 900-1000 calories they need a day) Asher still has his gagging issue when given anything thicker or chunkier than a puree. He seems to be improving oh so slowly, so we're just waiting on addressing it. The boys might be the best traveling babies ever; they did so well driving 5+ hours back and forth to Augusta, Georgia. The great grandparents met the boys for the first time. We took quite a few pictures with all the relatives. I loved being back in my hometown. North Carolina is my home now, but Georgia will always hold a special place in my heart. The boys loved swimming in GG's pool. (well, Asher loved it after about the first 5 minutes... :) We might have two pool rats on our hands. We've been swimming twice since, both times the boys have enjoyed themselves. Thanks for the baby floats Papa! I haven't posted in awhile. I have quite a few more stories to tell, but really, with twins, sleep is so valuable. :) Maybe another post this week....

2011-05-17T22:31:00.002-04:00

The Tortoise and The Hare

2011-05-10T21:22:00.003-04:00

We now have a tortoise and a hare in the house; can you guess whose who? :) Yes, I know, too easy you say. Sam, of course, is our little speed racer bunny rabbit. He wriggles himself into the tiniest of spots, and he crawls lightening fast. Our big news is that our little turtle is creeping across the floor. Asher is a fully functional commando crawler now. When he sees something he wants across the room, he makes his way over there, slowly, but in quite a determined fashion. I had hoped he would be crawling by June, but he likes to surprise. We are thrilled. Some folks feel a tinge of sadness when their babies start to meet milestones because it means they are growing up...not us! Someone asked me if I was a little sad, and I quickly answered, "NO way! :)" Jess and I have prayed and worked, and prayed and worked with Asher, plus hours of physical therapy, not knowing when he would ever become mobile. We are so happy whenever the boys meet any little milestone; milestones that we were unsure if they would ever meet a year ago. Every bit of development is such a miracle. The only sadness I feel is that the boys have to struggle so hard for things that come so easy to others. I do keep in mind, though, that perserverance produces character, and character hope! Hope does not disappoint! Romans 5:3-5

What I have learned....

2011-05-04T21:17:00.003-04:00

What I've Learned.....

1) If you wait 15 months to take your kids out in public, they will be TOTALLY mesmerized and rarely cry... probably due shock and overwhelming sensory overload :)

2) Twins draw A LOT of attention.

3) A baby wearing glasses DRAWS EVEN MORE attention.

4) Always, always bring baby wipes! People WILL NOT touch your babies' feet or head, rather, they WILL touch their hands and cheek. Do not be offended if you see me violently scrubbing my children after you walk away if you touched a hand or face..... :)

5) Always factor in an additional 45 minutes when planning your schedule for putting in car seat, taking out of car seat, strapping in stroller, unstrapping, wiping hands and faces, changing an unexpected poopie diaper, and unloading/reloading the "Beast" (i.e. double stroller).

6) Using the same pair of glasses for one twin, then several months later, the other twin, mightily confuses small children. The result is the babies being referenced to as "this one with the glasses," or "that one with the curl" or "Aunt Yvonne, THAT one poked me in the eye."

7) If you take a baby's glasses off, his small nieces, who have learned his name "with" glasses, have a hard time identifying him... :)

8) Little nieces LOVE their cousins!!! :) (more than I imagined they would... so precious!)

9) The best toy, the most fought over toy, the most desirable I will throw a full tantrum if you take it away toy... drum roll please........ the wipes container! Yes, my son has learned to roll over and is motivated to crawl by none other than the purple target wipes bags. (don't worry, Sam loves it too; they literally wrestle over it!)

10) Telling your baby "no, don't touch" one million times is worth it, when he goes to touch something the one millionth and one time, you tell him no, and he LISTENS! Go Sam! (the best is when we tell him no, and he throws himself down in the most dramatic fashion, crying, but does not touch :)

11) Really, I can't begin to list everything that I have learned.... :) Being a mom to preemie twins has been incredibly challenging, but even more incredibly wonderful.

Our Butterballs

2011-04-06T22:37:00.003-04:00

Our bags of sugar are now the size of a nice Thanksgiving turkey... :) The boys, who weighed little more than a pound of sugar at birth now weigh over 20 lbs. Asher's reflux flared again. If I've learned anything, it is that Asher's reflux means business.... poor guy. I had hoped he'd outgrown it, but no, not yet. I called Duke, but they said we couldn't go up on his meds as he was on a man-sized dose. I decided that since he was having most trouble with the formula, that I would try backing down from 27 cal formula to just 22 cal formula. Basically, I wouldn't mix our already high-calorie preemie formula at an even higher rate. The higher rate is tough on tummies and very constipating. At this point, since they are bigger, I think less reflux wins out over more calories. So far, so good.... I bought a NINJA blender and stuff it full of avocados and bananas to keep the boys weight up. They seem to love the food. I've been adding in coconut oil for extra calories and probably am the only mom who knows exactly how many calories the meal that her kids just ingested was... yes, really I do... breakfast, 60 cal... lunch, 350 cal (had to make up for breakfast :)... snack, 60 cal... dinner, 150 cal... not to mention bottles.... Sometimes I wonder if the boys have any real chance of turning out at least semi-normal :) Our next weigh in is Thursday, so I might be able to relax a little after that... :) maybe..... We are still working on "safe" sitting and crawling with Asher. He's been bearing weight on his feet and standing a lot in the past few weeks, which is totally new for him. Sam is still a wild man in love with his mommy. He has the sweetest laugh and is a huge ham. We had our first photo session with a photographer and had tons of fun. She did a great job capturing the boys personalities. I'm afraid our picture budget was blown after seeing the proofs.... Our justification.. they are only little once... These days are so fleeting, and they are such miracles. Our tiny boys are getting soooooo big so fast. As we so happily celebrate each special milestone, we still treasure every minute with them.

Sam Entertaining Asher

2011-03-28T21:39:00.003-04:00

On the Mend :)

2011-03-15T14:16:00.003-04:00

Everyone seems to be on the mend. I told Jess getting a cold from the boys was glorious. I was free to be sick without worrying about giving them my cold. Sam gave us all his cold at the same time, so we are all basically over it at this point. Sam is still sounding slightly congested, and Asher continues to cough on occasion, but for the most part seem better. They still have a few more days of antibiotics, so hopefully, we'll be back to 100% by the end of the week. Asher decided to teeth and get sick at the same time, poor guy. He has one little sharp tooth peeking out of his bottom gum. I was getting concerned since Sam has 8 teeth, but Asher likes to do things in his own time. :) Asher is now rolling around the living room. Our once stationary baby is no longer immobile. He might not crawl, but he has found that he can roll himself across the floor to get to what he wants.... Tummy time is still a challenge. He rolls to his tummy, snatches the toy he wants, and tucks and rolls back to his back. Stinker... :) The funniest thing is to watch the boys trying to play together. One boy will purposely stick a toy out and shake it, trying to entice his brother, the other twin buys into the trap, and they then proceed to "fight over" the toy. Really they just laugh as they keep snatching the toy out of the other twin's hand. Pretty cute :)

ugh....

2011-03-06T23:44:00.002-05:00

Sam, despite our life of neurotic seclusion, woke up today with a cold. His nose has been running like crazy all day. I took care of him while J manned Asher today. We're hoping to avoid a second sick baby, but know the likelihood of that dream is slim to nil... Tomorrow I'll be on my own with both guys, trying to keep them apart, their toys separate, and washing my hands fanatically. Based on Sam's nose, I'm not sure I'll escape sickness either. We're praying that Sam will be back to his regular self in the next few days without any complications. He ate and played pretty normally today, so we'll see. We're not use to handling the normal cold....we still have the lingering fear that any illness will send them to the hospital. We had planned on doing family photos on Tuesday, but decided to postpone for a few days. Pictures of snotty babies wasn't what we had in mind exactly. :)

Goal-Rolling...Goal-Met!!!!

2011-03-03T22:16:00.005-05:00

Asher is finally rolling over from his back to his tummy routinely, without effort. :) We love to see him go.... He's a roly poly now, even during diaper changes (a total battle with his wild brother :), and we love it. His sitting is slowly improving, too. I had hoped he'd be sitting and rolling by NICU clinic in mid-May, but I think that I set the bar too low. Asher said that we underestimated his skills and determination. OT is going well. Asher has always done pretty well, but Sam has really blossomed in the last week. His fine motor skills jumped several months in like a day.... Asher continues to shake his head no, especially at his therapists when he is done "playing" with them. :) The boys are definitely lots of fun, now. Sam gave me an unsolicited kiss for the first time the other day...so sweet. He continues to do pretty well with his glasses, although he loves to eat them now. Whenver he gets quiet, I always find him happily gnawing on his glasses. Thank goodness we did not go with the wire ones! Sam has also become a crazy mommy's boy in the last week. So much so that he refused to work with our therapist, whom he loves, this morning. He just looked at me with his sad eyes and SCREAMED at the top of his lungs. I'm hoping this is a phase that will pass. Don't get me wrong; I love that he loves me. I want him to love others, too, though. :) He does pretty well with Daddy still, thankfully. To ensure that doesn't change, Sam has become Daddy's little buddy when he gets home from work. I take care of Asher, and Sam is all Daddy's... Have I mentioned what a wonderful Daddy Jess is? No kicking up his feet when he gets home from work... rather, he is in the twin trenches. :)

2011-02-19T21:57:00.001-05:00

Glasses

2011-02-19T21:47:00.002-05:00

Well, we were able to recycle Asher's frames... Sam went to his eye appointment and was pronounced to be severely nearsighted. He sees well close-up, but if asked to read the eye chart from a distance, couldn't make out the large E. Unlike Asher, he won't outgrow the nearsightedness, a product of his retinopathy of prematurity. The laser eye surgery prevented blindness, but not glasses. He didn't want to wear them at first, crying and pulling them off. When Jesse came home, he was sitting across the room holding Asher. I put the glasses on Sam, and Jess called his name. Sam turned his head to look at him, and WHAM, fussing stopped. I think he realized that he could see better. Since that moment, he rarely messes with the glasses, which for a 13 month old, I think is pretty impressive. We constantly have to readjust them, and his ridiculously long eyelashes seem to be mashed up against the lenses, but so far, he's handling them rather well. Asher had his follow-up at Duke and all went well. We will continue on as we have been. I've done a lot of driving to appointments with the boys, but they love riding in the car, so it hasn't been bad at all. I think the poor things relish any change of scenery. Thanks to dear friends who kept the boys on Friday night so Jess and I could have a date night. We had a grand time. :) We love our boys, but it was nice to have a night out together.

2011-02-08T21:59:00.003-05:00

The boys have obviously grown a lot... Asher's hat swallowed his little head last February. :) The big news of the week is that Sam is a wild man and Asher ROLLED OVER...Woohoo!!!! Asher finally rolled from his back to his tummy during PT on Monday. He tortures me all day long, constantly taunting me by rolling to his side, then rolling to his back again... On Monday, he finally made the big move; he made two attempts, successful on the second try. Of course, we went crazy, and Asher just smiled and smiled. He LOVES people cheering for him; I'm not sure what that says about his personality. :) I haven't been able to get him to do it again, yet, but we'll keep trying. I know now, though, that he can, and I'm sure in his own time, he roll around like crazy. He seems much stronger this week, which is encouraging. We had a tough week last week; his reflux got the better of him. The vomiting, coughing, hiccups, crying, and refusal to eat returned. Duke responded quickly to my calls, upping his meds a little. We are now at the max dose, so I'm hoping he'll start outgrowing the reflux before the meds lose effectiveness. The little stinker definitely knows that shaking his head means no... I can't believe that he understands what he's doing, but he does. Tonight, for instance, when I offered him a spoonful of food at the end of his meal, he vigorously shook his head no. He did not want anymore... He uses the "no" head shake during therapy or when he doesn't want more food... Basically, I would LOVE to know what's going on in that little head of his. I have a feeling he and Sam both understand a lot more than I give them credit for... Sam's big news is that he is standing up EVERYWHERE! He loves, loves, loves to stand up, play, and try to cruise. Unlike kids who have a fear of turning loose, Sam lets go of the ottoman, or whatever he's holding onto, and tries to lunge towards wherever he's trying to go. He moves his upper body, but doesn't quite get the moving the feet part yet. I have a feeling that it won't be long. :) We will have an itty bitty boy running around our house. Tomorrow is Sam's vision check. I'll be interested in the results. I'm thinking glasses are still a few years away. Overall, the boys are doing well. They are such a blessing, and we truly enjoy them each and every day. How can the hardest of hearts not be melted by those sweet smiles and laughs.... :)

Purple and Gold

2011-01-31T21:13:00.003-05:00

Can you believe everyone use to say that we looked just alike? :)

Big Boys...

2011-01-23T22:34:00.002-05:00

...for former preemies, that is... :) At our one-year old check up, Sam weighed 18 lbs and was 27 inches. Asher is doing his best to catch up weight-wise at 17 lbs 11 oz and 27 1/4 in. They are very proportional and growing well on "their" curve. Which means, they are no where near the chart for one year-olds, but around 25 percentile for 8 month-olds. Basically, they look like healthy 7-8 month-olds, which we are thrilled about. I read recently that some micro preemies don't catch up in their overall growth until they reach puberty. If either boys takes after Jess, and Asher sure looks like him, then it might be later. ;) (Jess didn't start growing until college :) Size really isn't an issue as long as the boys continue to grow and stay healthy. We had our OT eval. Both boys are around average for their corrected age of 8 months. Hopefully, we will still be eligible for services (without me having to get involved...), because in year from now, the boys will no longer be able to claim their corrected age. They will be expected to be on target for 2 year-olds. I would much rather them have therapy on this end than have to try to catch up even more a year from now. Asher is eating great; three meals a day again in his high chair. If only I could find the motivator to get him to finally roll from his back to his tummy. He is SOOOOO close. Overall, the boys are doing great. We saw a few of our nurses the other day. We can hardly believe that a whole year has elapsed. While we still see the effects of their prematurity, and probably will for awhile, the boys are doing amazingly well. Their little personalities are coming out more and more every day. (and both are as sweet as can be, but I'm pretty biased) We have most certainly been very blessed.

First Birthday

2011-01-16T18:32:00.003-05:00

The Big Day

2011-01-12T23:37:00.004-05:00

The big day is soon to arrive, and I'm afraid that all will be disappointed when I say that we have no real plans. I thought tonight, as I checked out of Wal Mart, that I should at least buy two number "1" birthday candles for the guys. They can't really eat cake yet, but I guess a candle can go in a bowl of yogurt :). We can't really have a party for the guys because of cold and flu season, so I think Sunday will be a quiet family day. The boys won't know the difference, but we will spend the day enjoying them. Enjoying the knowledge that we have had a whole blessed year with our two little miracles.... :)

Look of Love

2011-01-06T22:48:00.001-05:00

The New Year

2011-01-06T08:33:00.003-05:00

As we move into 2011, I don't have too much to report. Asher's eating is slightly better. He will only consider eating his baby food sitting my lap. We are going slowly, and if that's all it takes, so be it. I imagine he'll learn to sit in his high chair and eat eventually. If not, don't laugh when you see us out to eat when he's in ninth grade. :) Basically, Asher is a lap baby. He loves sitting in your lap, sleeping in your lap, playing in your lap, and apparently, eating in your lap. Such the antithesis of his brother.... I'll have to post a few video clips I took the other day. Asher sitting in his bumbo, Sam ripping all the toys off of his tray; Asher sitting in the bumbo, Sam in the background scooting after a toy he's throwing all over the floor. Sam is just a busy and curious boy. He LOVES laughing at his brother and trying to play with him. Asher smiles and laughs with him, but Sam definitely instigates their "play." In the next week or two, we will be adding occupational therapy to the weekly schedule. PT on Mondays and Thursdays, and OT on Wednesday. The Occupational Therapist will be working on Sam's fine motor skills, while focusing more on Asher's trunk and shoulder strength. We are definitely grateful to have therapists come into our home, helping the guys with their developmental skills.

First Christmas

2010-12-27T23:52:00.002-05:00

We had a quiet, but wonderful first Christmas with our fellows. We decided not to buy the boys anything since they wouldn't know the difference anyway. Don't worry, though, they received more than enough presents from friends and family. :) I did stuff their stockings, which was fun. The boys love their new toys from Grammy and Papa. Sam scoots all over the place now...tries to entice the dogs to play...tries to climb in the bouncer with his brother. :) We've definitely started the baby-proofing process. I definitely find myself reflecting back to last Christmas... happily pregnant and enjoying the end of my second trimester. We had no idea what the next few weeks, much less months, would entail. We spent New Years Eve and Day in the hospital; the beginning of bed rest, and then boys being born so early. 2010 was quite a year.... A year filled with the most wonderful moments as well as some of the most difficult and challenging that any person can face... A year filled with love and support... A year filled with tears of sadness as well as joy.... A year filled with hope and prayers..... A year filled diapers, bottles, and baby smiles.... What a year!

Go Duke!

2010-12-16T16:56:00.003-05:00

As a Carolina grad and fan, I would never dream of uttering these words about our arch nemesis, but after today, Go Duke! :) Our visit to the pediatric GI specialist went very well. He made quite a few adjustments to meds and delivery of those meds, that I am quite hopeful Asher might see some relief soon. Our trek through the snow to Durham was well worth the trip!

2010-12-15T23:47:00.002-05:00

Off to Duke tomorrow... weather permitting. Asher's reflux is not really improving, so we want to head off any issues as soon as possible. Greenville only has one pediatric GI specialist, so we opted for Duke, where there is a whole practice. Hopefully we will have a few more options tomorrow to help little fellow feel better.

Survived...

2010-12-07T23:08:00.002-05:00

We appear to have survived our first "colds/illness" of some type. Both boys spent several days not feeling well; runny noses, sneezing, congestion, sleepy, not eating well... I'm thinking that the RSV shot that they get monthly to prevent them from developing a severe respiratory infection must have helped tremendously. I'm happy that both boys seem to be almost back to their usual selves. Asher is still not too jazzed about his baby food, but we are working on it. After a lot of song and dance, he will open his mouth about a centimeter for the spoon. The boys seem to be tag teaming us on the sleep front. Each night they take turns waking up. Sam woke up at 3 AM on Sunday night, but Asher slept through the night, even when Sam cried. Sam slept through Asher waking up at 12, 3, and 5:30 last night. I'm hoping they take the night off and decide to just wake up in the morning like usual. They've spoiled me with too many nights of uninterpreted sleep. :) Really, we don't mind getting up with them. We so are thankful to have little people to get up with, even in the middle of the night. :)

2010-12-01T22:28:00.001-05:00

Please pray that the family would stay healthy. I think Asher is coming down with my cold..... praying that he feels better soon, with no complications if he has his first cold. Also, please pray that Mr. Sam and Daddy would stay healthy. I've been so crazy and worried about the boys getting sick. Ultimately, though, we can only do what we can do to keep them healthy. They will get sick eventually... I am trying to remember that they Lord has brought them this far; he's not going to forsake them. :) Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers!!!!

Woo Hoo!

2010-11-24T15:33:00.002-05:00

Good news, good news.... our little lobster (he likes to pinch... :) no longer needs glasses for now! Asher's eyes were much better today. The doc said that his nystagmus (the jerking when he tries to focus) was almost gone; something we had noticed too. He really seems to be seeing better lately! We go back in four months for dilation and a decision if we should go back to glasses again. At that time, if we need glasses, Asher will be sitting better and laying on his back less, making glasses much easier. Regardless, Asher's vision is much better, and the doc seemed genuinely pleased and surprised by the huge improvement is such a short time. Woo hoo! A huge answered prayer! I, unfortunately, seemed to have contracted a cold sometime in the two outings I had with the boys to doc offices (the only times I have left the house in the last 8 days); ugh!!! I will now spend the next week or so wearing a mask, hand-washing obsessively, and praying fervently that they don't catch my cold. I'm now afraid that I'm about to go towards the neurotic stage of wearing a mask in public to avoid getting sick this winter.... :) Aside from our health, you can pray for my sanity! :)

On the Move

2010-11-18T23:02:00.004-05:00

Sam is determined to be on the move. He has suddenly decided to get up on all knees and hands, rock, and try to leap frog forward. Baby proofing is about to begin in earnest. The PT today, after getting over her amazement, said that Sam might not qualify for therapy much longer. I am thankful, but would like to make sure that he doesn't need the PT before we stop anything. Asher will probably be adding occupational therapy to his 2x a week PT. We want to get as much therapy as early as possible. Early intervention can make such a difference. On a happy note, Asher's vision seems MUCH better. I look forward to our trip to Dr. Board next week. I can't wait to see what he has to say after examining him. I feel sure that he will at least need an adjustment to his prescription. I'll keep you posted!

Fun Times

2010-11-16T12:09:00.001-05:00

Pass!!

2010-11-15T23:01:00.002-05:00

Finally, sweet Sam has passed his swallow study! Woohoo! He know can be weaned off of thickening agents and just drink regular old bottles. No more worries about aspiration and choking! Awesome! Needless to say, we are pretty excited about Sam's progress. The folks at NICU clinic seemed pretty pleased with the boys, too. Everyone commented on how big and healthy they looked. Although these folks are use to working with itty bitty babies, so it wasn't hard for the boys to impress with size. :) Both boys did not, however, cooperate with audiologist. They didn't seem to care much about turning to look at the speaker with the man barking like a dog blaring out of it. Asher just jumped, and Sam stared and smiled at the girl who was trying to direct him to look at the speaker. Barking speaker or girl playing with interesting toys, hmmm..... We now have to go back in three months, so hopefully everyone will cooperate and will be cleared for awhile from hearing screenings.

Big Boys

2010-11-11T22:32:00.002-05:00

I've always said that I thought that Asher could do more than he let on.... Well, today he floored the PT and his mommy. He can sit propped on his hands (the way most babies typically learn to sit) while supporting himself and holding up his head for several minutes. This is the baby who could barely hold up his own head a month ago and JUST learned to roll over in one direction! He actually sits up quite well unassisted for about 2-3 minutes; almost better than Sam because he not trying to grab at every toy that he can see. We still need to work on rolling over, but the fact that he's starting to sit is unbelievable. I hope he's cooperative on Monday when we go to NICU clinic. I have a feeling that Asher might just lay there like a slug while Sam cries wildly because he didn't get his morning nap. :) I would love for the boys to really show what they can do because their old PT from the NICU will be there, and she will be sooo excited. :) Sam's big news is that he now has two teeth to brush. Actually, just too tiny little tips that have just popped through his gums, but we are excited nonetheless. The boys will be 10 months old next week! Hard to believe!

Slow and steady

2010-11-01T22:17:00.003-04:00

The boys are making slow and steady progress. Asher is finally rolling over from his tummy to his back. Tummy time is even tougher now that he has figured out his new trick. :) On his tummy, then over he goes... His neck and shoulders are still tight which gives his head an odd tilt at times, but we are still working on stretching ever day. Sam's working on sitting and crawling. He's doing great. We are trying to encourage him to use his right side more as he definitely has a left-sided preference, something we don't want to encourage. Nothing about their development will be typical, but that's OK. We enjoy each day with them, and the little milestones that they reach. I'm thrilled that they seem to like their baby food and cereal. Sam loves prunes of all things. Eating 2-3 meals in their high chair every day certainly adds an extra twist in the day, mostly me trying to figure out how to work our schedule. Feeding them is not something I see as a chore, though; rather, I'm just thankful they seem to be willing to try spoon feeding. Many preemies have huge feeding issues, so please continue to pray that the boys will be little piggies. :) We do get a few more baths nowadays. :) I promise to post video of the boys soon. They continue to grow and change so much. I feel sure they are around 16 pounds now. Small for 9-month-olds, but decent for 24 week preemies. Their little personalities shine through more and more each day. Both are sweet boys, although I'm sure that I'm biased. I do love to hear their little laughs. I was playing with Asher today, kissing his neck and tickling him. He started laughing, and then I heard hysterical cackling beside me. Sam, who had been playing on the same quilt, was watching and thought his brother and I were SOOOO funny. Mr. Sam definitely loves to laugh and smile. Asher, while he likes to play, remains our cuddle bug. My days are certainly full of lots of fun and smiles now. :)

Best Friends

2010-10-24T00:30:00.000-04:00

Our First Trip to the Beach

2010-10-19T11:27:00.002-04:00

Sam enjoyed his trip to the beach. He was fascinated by the ocean. Asher, I'm afraid to say, slept pretty much the entire time he was on the beach. Guess he found the ocean sounds soothing :) We look forward to the time that the boys can romp with their cousins in the sand and surf.

2010-10-10T22:43:00.002-04:00

Sleepy Sam post-walk :)

Asher's favorite way to wear his glasses!

Treasure

2010-10-07T00:00:00.002-04:00

Mr. Asher will be visiting with the PT twice a week now. Aside from still working on the same goals he had a the beginning of August, his head has started tilting. As Asher has started lifting his head more, the muscles on his right side have developed faster than those on the left resulting in a head tilt. He now gets baby massages and lots of neck and shoulder stretching. Fortunately he laughs and smiles as I constantly reposition his head because he thinks I'm just playing with him. Sweet boy.... I do try to make the stretching fun. Hopefully, between lots of prayers, an absolutely neurotic mother, and more PT, the head tilt won't last long. I knew all weekend, as I watched his head tip more and more, than something needed to be done, so we're very thankful that the PT's we saw today gave us great exercises to do between therapy sessions. Asher and I also tried eating again today. Surprisingly, he seemed to have the concept of opening his mouth and not spitting the food out down. Unfortunately, he didn't like swallowing the food, resulting in gagging, coughing, and crying. I know he swallows just fine, so I think the sensation of the food at the back of his throat surprised him. Hence, we will wait another week or two and try again. Taking a two week hiatus last time brought some improvements, so I'm hoping that another few weeks will make an even greater difference. If I have learned one thing about Asher, it is that he can only be pushed so far before an absolute meltdown ensues. Sam's hanging out, loving his carrots. He hasn't quite mastered keeping the food in his mouth, but I do hear occasional swallows, so I think he's getting some food down. Overall the boys are doing well. Dealing with the challenges that they will continue to face will most certainly require fortitude and strength from the Lord. Sometimes its hard not to look at them and wonder how different they might be if not for the lingering effects of their prematurity. Don't get me wrong, I love them and am blessed to be their mother. I would do it all again, but it's not just about me. I would never wish for them to have to be born prematurely and face such obstacles so early. However, I have come to realize that they are the boys God intended them to be. There are no would have beens or could have beens, just what is... They were not born to early, rather, they were born right on time. When I see Asher's head tilt or strap his glasses on, I remember that; I also am very aware of how blessed the guys are.... no g-tubes, trachs, or even oxygen. They both smile and laugh (or baby cackle :), and seem like happy guys. Each day with them is a delight and a treasure to be stored away. I now have a greater appreciation of the verse in Luke...

"Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." Luke 2:51-52

Quick Update

2010-10-02T00:16:00.004-04:00

I really need sleep, but wanted to update the blog. With two busy boys, there is little time during the day to blog, as you can imagine. Sam, as the PT described him, is VERY active. :) He also likes his routine; I tried to change their schedule today, much to his dislike. By the end of the day, he entered into complete meltdown phase. I think we are going to wait on any serious schedule changes for awhile.... :) Asher's making slow gains with his head and trunk control. He and I decided to take a break from cereal after he threw a fit in the high chair. He will be just 5 months corrected this weekend, so no rush. Our bittersweet news of the week is that Sam can no longer use his swing. We love the fact that our little fellow is trying to sit up, but he obviously shouldn't do that while strapped in a swing. Sam and I both have moments during the day when we miss the swing. :) We've replaced the swing with a square playpen, recommended by our NICU PT. The "play yard", as they call them now, is much larger than the usual pack'n'play and brightly colored. Both boys seem to like it; Sam said not as much as his swing, but he does like it. Jess is really enjoying his new job with Eagle Transport. With me staying home this year, the job came at just the right moment. The new job brought much better benefits and opportunities. While he misses some of the folks at his former place of employment, he's really settling in at Eagle. God provided just the right job at just the right time. Pretty amazing.... While I stressed over our budget, Jess just knew everything would work out. He was right again. I'm so glad that one of us is not prone to worrying.

Eating?

2010-09-22T23:06:00.002-04:00

Both boys have experienced "eating" oatmeal now. Our PT said she thought Asher's head control improved enough to try a little oatmeal. He is still in the experimental phase, as you can tell from the photos. Basically, he likes to run his fingers through the oatmeal; not too much oatmeal actually made it in his mouth. Sam and I discovered the trick to getting him to eat...he wants to feed himself. If I try to put the spoon in his mouth, just barely across his lips, he makes a very ugly face. If I let him wrap his little hand around the spoon while I hang on to the end of the handle, he happily tries to cram the whole spoon, oatmeal and all, down his throat. He ate a whole bowl of oatmeal that way this afternoon. I am beginning to think I might have two very strong-willed boys. Sam continues to develop by leaps and bounds. He has met all of his PT goals... he now rolls from tummy to back and back to tummy. I find him in his crib on his tummy now. He lifts his head really well when playing on his tummy. We are now working on sitting and creeping commando style. Asher's head control is better, but he still has a long way to go to catch up with his brother. We work very hard every day, but trying to keep Asher happy and playing on his tummy at the same time is a tough task. The only way to truly make him happy is to put Sam down beside him. He loves to look at and touch his brother; the moment Sam is in his grasp or line of sight Asher is one happy baby. So sweet to see... :) Hopefully Asher's love for Sam will help motivate him to try to keep up with his brother as they get older. One of the benefits of twins, I guess :)

Asher's Bath :)

2010-09-14T22:45:00.001-04:00

I couldn't resist posting this pic. :) Asher loves his bath and always has. Thankfully, no one seems to have caught what I had last week! The Lord has been merciful... Sam tasted oatmeal from a spoon for the first time today. Pictures of the mess fest will soon follow. :) We both had fun... Sam eating and me laughing. He did open his mouth for the spoon, but you could tell he was thinking, "what in the world is this...!" He ate the majority of his oatmeal off of his bib. Asher's head control is not quite as good as Sam's, so we are waiting to start cereal with him. Hopefully, he'll continue to improve and not be too far behind his brother.

2010-09-13T20:28:00.002-04:00

Sam laughing at his new favorite game (or maybe just his silly mommy)....

2010

2010-09-11T20:17:00.001-04:00

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Determined

2010-09-10T21:23:00.004-04:00

Determined.... a word that I have heard in the last few weeks to describe both of our boys. Asher certainly is determined... He's determined to snuggle and cuddle as much as possible. He uses the "fake" cry (as named by my sister-in-law :) to let us know when he becomes unhappy with his current situation, which is usually when he is not snuggling with someone. He let's out the high pitched "cry"/whimper when we try to sit him up to work on head control, when we try to put him down after snuggling, when we take away his bottle to burp him, when we torture him with the despised tummy time.... He might be little, but he certainly let's us know what he likes and what he dislikes. His brother, Sam, is determined in quite a different way. He is determined NOT to be cuddled, held down, or held back. While he loves to interact with people, he wants to play and engage in new activities. He has spent the last week fussing and struggling to roll over from his back to his tummy, finally achieving his goal yesterday. He fusses and fusses, then once he flips over, he's all smiles. Then on to the new goal... :) Sam wants to be on the move. He wants to crawl and sit up. No lying snuggled in your arms; rather, he's trying to lunge forward. If you put him on his tummy with toys in front of him, he's fussing and grabbing at the quilt, struggling to get to the toys. Basically, he's one determined little boy. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by the boys' tenacity. They have survived and endured more in their little lives than most people undergo in an entire lifetime. We are blessed each day to see our guys make small gains; they still have a ways to go, but each small step seems like a miracle to us.

2010-08-31

2010-09-10T21:15:00.001-04:00

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Brothers :)

2010-09-06T01:06:00.003-04:00

I've heard that twins grow use to the sound of a crying baby and aren't too phased by the noise and ruckus of his/her counterpart. The boys, for the most part, usually ignore the other's cries. On occasion, one might wake the other fellow up, and then they band together in attempt to get a mommy or a daddy in the room. Sometimes I've wondered if either Sam or Asher even know that the other baby exists. They spent so much time apart from one another in the hospital. Even now, I'm usually putting one baby in his crib while the other boy waits to be retrieved post-nap. I've been trying to make sure that the guys interact daily, although, they don't seem to get too excited about the joint play session. Asher, being the sweet fellow that he is, usually smiles if I put Sam beside him in his crib. That's about it, other than an occasionally attempt to claw the other baby's face. Well, a few days ago, I realized that maybe the boys are more aware of one another then I thought. My good friend stopped by with her newborn. The baby slept in the infant carrier during our visit. At the end, in the midst of Sam smiling and bouncing in my lap, the baby woke up. She let out a few wails, and Sam went berserk. He cried out in absolute terror. After calming him down, while I was saying good bye to my friend, the baby cried again. AGAIN, Sam howled. Apparently, he recognizes his brother's cry, and this creature was NOT his brother! Who knew? :) I guess the boys have more of a twin relationship than I thought. :) I can't wait for them to really play with one another, getting into all sorts of mischief. :)

2010-08-31T21:10:00.001-04:00

Carolina Blue Glasses

2010-08-30T00:38:00.003-04:00

Well, the next picture to be posted on the blog will be one of Asher sporting his new baby glasses. As we expected, his vision is not the best, hence the baby glasses. He apparently is very farsighted, meaning he does not see well up close. Most babies are somewhat farsighted, but their eye muscles help compensate and aid in focusing. Asher's eye muscles aren't helping out too much in the focusing department, so hopefully, the glasses will do the trick. I'm hoping if sees better, he will be more motivated to lift his head to look around his environment. Thankfully, even though his vision isn't the best, he is not blind, something I feared at one point. He'll just be the baby everyone stares at because he's wearing Carolina blue glasses. While Sam's OK for now, I'm afraid he won't be too far behind his brother. He's nearsighted, which means he sees everything well in his immediate environment, but his distance vision is not the best. Obviously, he's not looking at chalkboards or trying to drive yet, so the glasses can wait for now. He will eventually get his own pair of coke bottles though, but maybe not until he's three or four. I think we will be hunting for lost glasses a lot in the Ethridge home. I also think Asher's glasses might spend more time in his mouth than on his face, but we'll see. :) I have a feeling there will be quite a few photo ops in the next few weeks. Thank you for praying for the boys. I am so thankful that the eye appointment is finally over. We would have dealt with Asher being blind, if that was the case, but, obviously, we are thrilled for his sake that he's not. Physical therapy starts this Wednesday, another answered prayer. Our therapist told me on the phone that she had been praying for the boys. She attends our church and has been praying for the boys for months. Now she gets to meet them and work for them. Isn't God amazing? :) Be on the lookout for a little boy in blue glasses.... :)

August 2010

2010-08-18T16:42:00.004-04:00

Asher

Sam

7 Months Old!

2010-08-17T00:48:00.003-04:00

The boys celebrated their 7-month milestone in style...matching gowns. bigger bottles, and a few photos. :) I find the fact that another month has passed by hard to believe. I guess when you are in the trenches, so to speak, caring for two little guys, time tends to drift by. The rest of the staff returns to work this week. For the first time in 28 years, I will not be going to school in some form or fashion. Strange to think about.... I will miss being a part of the Parker team, but staying home with the boys is a joy and a privilege. Who else would put them through their paces every day; tummy time, bumbo time, swing time, reading books, singing songs, play gym time? I guess I know why the boys sleep so well. :) Asher and I work on his head control every day. Sweet boy tries his best, but he still lags way behind his brother in that department. We go to the eye doctor in a week and a half; I will be happy to finally know what he thinks about Asher's vision. We are still waiting on physical therapy. I've put in a call, but have yet to hear back. I will be calling again tomorrow. I might drive these people crazy before its all over with... :) Overall, though, the boys really are doing well considering where they started 7 months ago. Please keep them in your prayers, though, because they still have a long way to go.

Changes

2010-08-11T22:11:00.002-04:00

Each day brings changes.... The boys no longer sleep suspended in reflux slings with mattresses propped precipitously high. Sam rolled over for the first time and started sucking his thumb. Both boys eat almost 4 oz every bottle, which seems miraculous. Both boys also are sleeping through the night. ( you would think I would feel more rested, but I think my sleep-deprived body is beginning to recognize its state :) The first night we let the boys sleep in their "slightly" propped cribs minus their slings, I awoke to crying at 4 AM. I walked into the boys' room to find four little legs sticking through the crib slats at the bottom of the cribs. Sam, especially, let me know his displeasure. We do not use bumpers because the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend them, and with Asher, I can see why. That baby would certainly find a way to drag himself over to the bumper in order to gnaw on it and then fall asleep with his face buried in it. Sleep sacks solved our "sliding/legs caught in the slats" issue. We now just zip the little guys into their wearable blankets. Nap-time is much better now; the boys hated the slings. Asher is still working on his head control and tracking. We look forward to starting PT soon. We are enjoying each and every day with our little guys, loving them for the sweet little fellows that they are.

The boys

2010-08-02T13:28:00.002-04:00

I recently looked back at pictures and videos of the boys from last February and March. They truly do not seem to be the same little fellows. I can't believe, actually, that they once were those tiny little guys, especially when I look at them now.

Step of Faith

2010-07-27T16:42:00.003-04:00

Well, once more we are taking a step of faith. I had planned on going back to work after the boys' were born, but as we have learned all too well, our plans are not necessarily what God has in mind. :) I am officially taking a leave of absence next year from my job as a school counselor and staying home with the little fellows. When I think that I walked out of my office last December for the last time, not knowing that I would not return, life still seems a little surreal. My office remains as I left it that day, although I'm sure that my poor plant withered away months ago. I guess, one day this summer, I'll have to trek over to the office and pack up a few items. I am excited to be home with the boys', watching them grow and develop. We are trusting God to work out our finances, as obviously, we won't be dual-incomers anymore. As I said, one more step of faith. The boys' met with the PT today for an evaluation. Both boys seem to be doing well. Sam's head control is great, but we can still work on helping him bring his hands to mid-line. (although, of course, after she left, the little stinker spent 30 minutes grasping his hands and trying to eat them...at mid-line :) Asher's legs appear quite strong, stronger than Sam's, but he needs help with his head control. She gave us a few tips, so mommy will be working the little fellow out everyday :). She, like the OT who saw him at feeding clinic, had concerns about his vision. We know he sees, but aren't sure how well. The pediatric opthamologist visit can't come fast enough. (Aug. 25) I will try not to fret and get into the poor guy's face too much until then. The boys will receive 30 minutes of PT weekly, with a zealous mom following exercise instructions in the meantime. :) We love our little fellows and want them to be the best that they can be, whatever that takes.

6 months old!

2010-07-22T21:58:00.001-04:00

Sam

Asher

Six Months

2010-07-19T23:43:00.005-04:00

To go to bed or post....always the dilemma these days. :) I have two hours of sleep before me.... sweet sleep. :) The boys continue to gain weight and grow. Sam's swallowing improved greatly over the last six weeks, as of the swallow study conducted last Thurs. He passed on every consistency other than thin; a HUGE improvement. We still have to thicken his bottles, but much less so. He does still have to be fed on his side, which can result in feeling like you are wrestling an alligator at times. He's a strong little guy. Both boys try to "help" hold their bottles now. Really, the result is little hands all over the place when you try to put the bottle in their mouths. :) Who knew little babies could be so strong?! Sometimes I feel like I am prying Sam's hands away in an attempt to feed him. Sweet boy.... :) Both boys love smiling and playing with their toys. Both can grasp toys and try to cram them in their mouths. Asher, particularly, seems quiet adept at holding his toys. So adept, in fact, that he clanks himself in the head with his rattle while trying to stuff it in his little mouth. So far, no tears. I also am going to try my best to catch the "pouty" lip on film. Instead of just wailing, Asher sticks his bottom lip out at least an inch and wimpers before launching into a full cry. Too cute! The boys seem so regular and normal, that I forget at times that they will probably face challenges ahead. The physical therapist will come evaulate them soon. I'm hoping they will receive regular therapy. The best intervention is early intervention. Their six month check-up is this week. I can hardly believe that six months has elapsed since that life-changing day. Life will certainly never be the same. We are so thankful every day that our little fellows are home.

The Boys

2010-07-07T15:09:00.001-04:00

Sam and Asher

Answers

2010-06-29T23:30:00.003-04:00

Sam took a field trip to Greenville today. :) He loves riding in the car, thankfully. We visited the ENT for a follow-up today. I had to hold the poor little guy in my lap as the doc ran a scope up his nose to look down his throat. Needless to say, he was not happy. He is also insanely strong for a baby. I'm going to have to do some weight training before our return visit in four months to be able to keep him in my lap. The procedure only lasted a few minutes, thankfully. We now have a few answers in regards to his swallowing. The ENT and speech language pathologist were able to see some paralysis in his left vocal fold. Being at the office, they were able to record the procedure and play it back. On the play back, both agreed that the left fold had some "immobilization." Basically, only his right vocal fold is working properly. The left fold, more than likely, had some nerve damage during Sam's PDA ligation surgery. Before the surgery, the cardio-thoracic surgeon warned us that one the main risks of the surgery was partial vocal fold paralysis. At the time, when facing life or death, the risk seemed minimal. The ENT said that Sam might regain some movement in the next year. Regardless, he said that he'll learn to compensate for the loss. He might just have a husky voice. :) (might be kind of cute :) Eventually, he shouldn't have to have his feeds thickened. The speech pathologist and ENT both agreed that the vocal fold probably isn't the sole cause of the swallowing issues, but certainly played a role. They both think his lack of coordination caused by prematurity as well as the reflux, also played a part in the issue. I really didn't know what to expect from our visit today, but I'm thankful to get some answers. The little guy did great at his appointment and is now tuckered out. He refused to sleep; instead, he just looked around at everything and everyone. He certainly is our curious baby. Sometimes I think he doesn't want to sleep because he's afraid he'll miss something. :} I'm off to bed now to enjoy 2 hours of sleep before my next date with Sam at 2 AM. I bring the bottle, he brings the cute, cuddly baby. :)

A day in the life...

2010-06-27T16:34:00.002-04:00

One baby up and crying, one baby semi-crying in the crib as he fights sleep, just another day in the Ethridge household. :) Thankfully, the crying doesn't phase us too much (especially good since there is twice as much of it). We just remember the days that we longed to hear the little guys make any noise at all. Their little lungs get plenty of exercise now, especially when mommy is wrangling the two of them by herself. As I realized early on, sometimes, someone just has to cry a little. Neither guy likes to sleep in the daytime. I think they are so used to the hubbub of daytime hospital life, that their systems are adjusting to the quiet of home. Nighttime seems to be less of an issue, which is great for us. Both guys seem to be growing well. We have a week and a half until our next weight-check. Hopefully, everyone will continue to gain well. I have always been someone who likes to research a topic thoroughly, so I think I'm driving Jesse crazy with my reference books... analyzing every word. Obviously, every baby is different, and our situation is very different.... :) but I do so like to be familiar with recommended feedings, nutrition, typical development, nap time, wake time... I guess I'm someone who would love a manual... too bad there isn't one. Both boys appear to be developing well. Both smile now... a developmental milestone that they achieved right on time for their corrected age. Pretty exciting. The guys are now 8 weeks corrected, or almost two months (July 3). Jess just put Sam down for his nap, so I'm going to run to the store in the hour lull before the whole feeding cycle starts over again. Going to the store, checking the mail, mowing the grass, all huge treats for a mommy of home bound twins. :)

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T23:34:00.001-04:00

Happy First Father's Day!!!!

Beautiful Gift

2010-06-15T23:26:00.002-04:00

"A little crazy".... how I would now describe our life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. :) The boys seem to be adjusting to home life. We spend a majority of our day eating, burping, sleeping, crying, and using up a crazy number of pampers. Sam loves his swing. As soon as the music stops playing, he let's us know. Asher, on the other hand, loves his bouncy on vibrate. He, too, becomes a little irate if mommy or daddy doesn't restart the bouncy fast enough. Their little personalities already shine through. Please continue to pray for our feeding issues. Asher still spits up and doesn't always eat as adeptly as he should. Sam, of course, is trying to drink a milkshake through a pinhole, so needless to say, the little tyke has a hard time. His weight gain is pretty amazing considering his situation. Sam's up to 9lbs 2oz, while Asher weighs 8lbs 2oz. Every little bit counts! Sam spit up tonight, which always puts me on edge, but he seems fine. I always worry that he's aspirating what he spits up. I then remember, of course, that worry does no good. Trust and prayer.... the only way I can sleep at all. Even though sleep seems the most glorious prize, I am trying to savor every moment of every day. I know that the boys will only be so small for such a short time. As tiring or difficult as a day might be, I am constantly reminded that any time with our little guys is a beautiful gift. No tough day here can hold a candle to the days of ventilators, monitors, IV's, and tiny, one-pound babies struggling to live. Off to sleep I go...before our next clean pamper and bottle. :)

In His Hands

2010-06-09T00:03:00.002-04:00

Everyone gained weight.. well, hopefully, just the twins gained weight this week. :) Asher is up 4 oz to 7lbs 8 oz. Sam gained a whopping 6 oz in 4 days. He now weighs 8lbs 10 oz. We switched Asher over to the higher calorie formula mix, too. Basically, I have a recipe to take a preemie formula and mix it at a higher calorie rate. (22 vs 27) We go through a can of formula in just a day or two. A wonderful problem to have :) .... Hopefully, Asher will fatten up like his brother. We have only had a few people come over to help me out with the boys. Despite our insane guarding of the boys, they have now been exposed to someone who developed a cold immediately after caring for them. While, I felt physically sick to find out the person become ill, the doctor reminded me that despite how careful we are, there is always a risk. We just have to accept that risk and move on.... The Lord has brought us thus far, so I'm trusting Him to continue to carry the boys forward. I'm praying for His mercy and protection for our family, that we would remain healthy. The little guys have been through so much; I can't bear the thought of either of them getting sick any time in the near future. I know childhood illnesses are inevitable, but I was hoping to postpone any sickness until the boys had grown bigger and stronger. Once again, I am reminded of my limitations as a mother. I can only do my best caring for the boys, the rest is up to God. They are in His Hands.

Dedication Day

2010-06-05T23:15:00.002-04:00

Dedication Day

Dedication Day finally arrived. While we long ago gave the boys to the Lord, today we offically dedicated them before the church. Actually, we were in our home, as you can tell from the picture. Our pastor came to our home, along with our tech guy, and filmed the dedication. We knew that a dedication in church with the boys would be quite a ways off (since they won't be leaving our house for about a year :), but hated to wait that long. A friend suggested filming the special moment at our house and showing it to the congregation on Father's Day. We enjoyed the moment. We were asked speak a few moments about what we have learned over the last few months. Hard to sum everything up in a few moments... there's no telling what I rambled on about :) Sitting here, though, I have thought of quite of few lessons that I could have shared, but I guess brevity this morning was a good thing. :) Anyway, we enjoyed the moment, even if the boys protested throughout most of our taping session. :) We continue to happily adjust to our new lives. I try not to fret too much over the boys, especially Sam. The dedication was a good reminder not to worry too much.

Home

2010-06-02T22:11:00.003-04:00

Sam's home and every one's adjusting to two babies at home. Jess and I both agree, while busy and exhausting at times, (all the time, really :), being home with the two boys has been amazing. Today was the first day that I did not step a toenail into a hospital as either a parent or a patient since Jan. 7. Surreal... (pictures coming soon!!)

2010-05-31T22:51:00.000-04:00

SAM'S COMING HOME!

2010-05-31T00:30:00.002-04:00

Mommy needs some sleep, but I couldn't bear not updating those who faithfully pray for our family. Sam seems to be holding his own. He's still taking all of his bottles by mouth. Jess went to see our guy today, so I will go tomorrow. Asher's enjoying home, or at least, we enjoy having him home. :) I still can't believe that Sam is taking bottles. I had really steeled myself for the g-tube. In the midst of talk of Chapel Hill, I still had this thought; if God wants Sam to come minus g-tube, well, then he would. Apparently, as of now, a g-tube isn't in God's plans. Pretty amazing possibility. I don't know why I continue to be surprised. I often feel like the Israelites when they wandered through the desert. When reading my Bible, I've always noted the Israelites lingering doubts in regards to God's power and provision. How could they doubt that God would provide food, water, and deliverance from their enemies when he PARTED THE RED SEA AND DROWN AN ENTIRE ARMY! The same applies to me. How can I ever doubt God's power and provision after all that he's carried us through?

Feedings?

2010-05-28T23:42:00.003-04:00

I have a few seconds before Asher wakes up and decides he's hungry. I spoke with the feeding specialist today. She clarified a few issues for me. Apparently Sam did ok on "nectar-thick" liquids, meaning they have to thicken his milk considerably for him to be able to swallow safely. The feeding team decided to try Sam on bottles only with no NG tube feedings at all. He has been taking bottle all day. He must be held in a certain position and paced, but he seems to be holding his own. Jess actually fed him his bottle tonight. We'll see. Obviously, we want Sam to be safe eating when he comes home. I already fret over Asher choking or aspirating, and he swallows normally. The current turn of events, the bottle-feeding, has been unexpected to say the least. If Sam can safely take the very thickened feedings, he might not have to have the g-tube. What a blessing that would be! So, the jury's still out... We'll know more in the next few days.

Team Effort

2010-05-27T00:06:00.003-04:00

Well, the entire staff working with Sam won't give up. No one can seem to bear the idea of sending him to Chapel Hill for the g-tube. The ENT stopped by yesterday; his findings were normal. Sam has no identifiable cause for his swallowing issues. The problem seems to be neurological, but then again, there's no definitive proof of that either. As the neonatologist said tonight, Sam was very early, very tiny, and had a very rocky start; those reasons alone might be enough to explain his current difficulties. Everyone wants to try one more week of vital stim, followed by yet another swallow study. After that, if he has shown no improvement, we will head to Chapel Hill. I hate the thought of the ventilator, not too mention having to feed Sam through a tube in his tummy. He would have to be sedated and intubated again for the procedure, always a risk with our little guy. I had though we had the ventilator behind us. I know that the ventilator kept our boys alive, but if I never see another in my LIFETIME, I would be none too happy. I guess I just need to enjoy the next week with my guy and try not to worry about "tomorrow." Hard to do as he gazes at me with those huge, bright eyes. I keep thinking about the Dr.Brown's bottles in our cabinet that he loves to eat from (Asher hates them) that he won't get to use. I also am so thankful that I stayed that one night at the hospital until 12 and nursed him. The neonatologist at the time had encouraged me breastfeed him, but was at odds with the feeding team. With the mixed messages, I decided to stay one nigh, late, and feed him. Little did I know at the time that I probably wouldn't get to nurse him again. A special memory of a special time that I am thankful for... One more reason that we should always seize the day. We never know what tomorrow will bring.

No Improvement

2010-05-25T15:47:00.002-04:00

Sam showed no signs of improvement. He failed the study again, so he's back to an NG tube until they can figure out the next step. An ENT will be consulted for another procedure to look at his vocal folds and epiglottis again. The feeding team seem to think that he might have some anatomical issues. Tears have been shed this afternoon as I think about what all of this means for Sam. I know that his crib will remain empty for a little longer. His little going home outfit is hanging over the side of the rail, waiting on him. I really thought he would pass on some level and be able to come home in the next week or so. Not what God had planned for us.... In times of sorrow, I can still say that God is good. We love Sam, and I can't wait to see him this afternoon. Hopefully he won't mind too much his mommy crying over him as she cuddles him.

Big Day

2010-05-24T22:56:00.002-04:00

Sam's big day is tomorrow. His swallow study will be at noon. I won't be there with him, but the nurses have promised to call me as soon as they know anything. Asher and I will be waiting by the phone. He said that he's ready for his buddy to sleep in the empty crib beside him. I'm hoping that when I go to snuggle with Sam tomorrow night that I will get to feed him a bottle. :) Anything is possible with God. Asher's first visit to the pediatrician's office went well. He gained two ounces over the weekend, so we're pretty jazzed. I'm looking forward to the chaos of having another baby home soon. :)

Home

2010-05-22T23:16:00.005-04:00

Strange...surreal... both words describe how I feel. Being home is wonderful, other than, of course, missing the little, "chubby" guy who isn't here. I miss my sweet, cuddly Sam. Daddy went and snuggled with him tonight. The sweet nurses know that we can't be there as much as we would like and are now fighting over Sam. He's going to be a lap baby by the time he comes home. :) I feel strange unpacking, realizing that this isn't just a three day hiatus from the Ronald McDonald House. Home... home for good... I can't believe that I'm back in my very own house. Having Asher at home has been wonderful. Of course, we fret over every drop of formula he ingests and whether he is sleeping enough. Unfortunately, he seems to hate sleeping on his back in the crib. All those months of belly sleeping while on monitors has created a "slight" distaste for his back. (when I say "slight" distaste, I mean vehement hatred) I, after attending safe sleep classes, can't possible break protocol and flip him over to his tummy, even though I know he'd be asleep in a flash. I don't mind him being awake, I just know that he needs good sleep to gain weight. Crying burns calories. Overall, I feel more relaxed and well-rested than I have for months. Crazy, I know. Not driving back and forth to the hospital, being able to take cat naps, and sleeping in my own bed are all wonderful, not to mention just not being at a hospital constantly. Now when Sam comes home, I can see my days growing crazier, but such a delightful crazy. Our boys will only be this small for a short time. I want to enjoy every second.

Home

2010-05-20T23:35:00.002-04:00

Home.. a word that seemed so distant and unattainable. The doctor told me this morning that barring anything strange, Asher would be discharged on Friday. Wow... a bittersweet moment, as in my excitement I remembered sweet Sam. Tomorrow will be filled with tears of joy and sadness. Please continue to pray for little Sam. He will have his repeat swallow study on Tuesday. If he passes, a HUGE hurdle would be cleared. Please pray for us, also, as we learn to be more "regular" parents, and care for Asher at our home. I'm sure that I will miss the monitors and nurses in the middle of the night. As I prepare to spend my last night in the Ronald McDonald House, I feel overwhelmed with emotions. These past few months have been filled with tears, laughter, joy beyond belief, fear, exhaustion, faith, trust, new friends, sorrow, incredible blessings, adjustment, wonderfully supportive "old" friends, and homesickness. A rich few months.... I will never be the same person, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. We still have one foot in the NICU world and one foot at home. I look forward to the day when Sam joins the family at home, and we are finally close the "hospital" chapter of our lives.

Quick Note

2010-05-20T00:53:00.002-04:00

As Asher eats more, I am at the hospital more, sleeping less, and hence, blogging less.... Mommy duties call. Right now, my comfy pillow calls! :) Sam continues to hang out in the NICU. He will complete his tummy rest period next Tues. The feeding team will determine his course of treatment post-ND tube in the next few days. Asher is still working on feedings. He did gain about an ounce tonight, after losing weight the previous two consecutive days. The days fly by as I race between the boys; between feedings and trying to find time to eat, pump, and sleep, I stay busy. A good busy, though. I pray that I never lose perspective or complain. Whenver I am tempted, I remember all of the parents whom I have watched lose children over the past 4 months. I am sure they would love to be in my shoes.

Long Day

2010-05-18T01:03:00.002-04:00

After 12+ hours at the hospital, leaving for the last time at midnight, I'm a tired mommy. I fed Asher his last bottle at 11, tried to put him down, and then ended up rocking him for awhile. He went crazy when I put him down, setting off his alarms because his heart rate was so high. After trying to see if he would calm down with his pacie and patting for a little while, I gave in and picked him up. He finally calmed down after 15 minutes of rocking. When I left him, he was awake, but at least he wasn't crying. Hopefully, he went to sleep. I'm off to bed as I now have less than 7 hours before I need to be back at the hospital. While my schedule seems a little hectic, I am loving every minute... :)

Brotherly Love

2010-05-17T00:43:00.002-04:00

Think we can count this as a kiss? The boys are 4 months old today. Asher took a field trip to the NICU, his first stroller ride. The boys spent some time together with mommy on their 4-month birthday. Asher is still struggling with eating. He just tires out quickly. As I watch the three pound babies suck their bottles down all around him, I realize that his lungs and prematurity still play a huge role in his development. With the chronic lung disease that he has, he just doesn't have much stamina. He will grow stronger with time, but he's not quite ready for all oral feedings just yet. We will probably go back to an alternating schedule, rotating tube and oral feedings for a few days more. Sam's just hanging out in the NICU. While we still have hurdles to face, I am so thankful for every single moment with my little fellows.

Remarkable

2010-05-15T23:32:00.003-04:00

Asher's still trying to take all of his feedings by mouth. He was trucking right along until about 11 this morning when he hit the sleepy wall. He started trying to snooze about halfway through his bottle. He also stayed sleepy during his next two feedings. The nurse had to feed him the remainder of his bottle through his NG tube. So... we are not quite there yet. On a positive note, he did gain weight tonight. We are hoping that he will adjust to the new feeding schedule, gain weight, and have his tube pulled in the next few days. If he continues to do well, he could go home by next weekend or early the following week. Pretty unbelievable, but yet so bittersweet. As I start to get really excited about Asher coming home, I remember sweet Sam back in the NICU. If only he could pass his next swallow study, I do believe that he would join Asher at home in no time. Please pray for our sweet little guy. I really don't want him to have to face any more procedures, which is what awaits him if he continues to aspirate. Both boys have become a little spoiled. We hold them every chance we get, and well, let's just say that they both have figured out that arms are better than beds. Both little fellows love to be snuggled. Every time I hold one of them, enjoying the feel of their warm little selves all cuddled up to me, I am reminded of how remarkable their development really has been. Two doctors alone told us today that the boys are doing so much better than expected. We have been very blessed.

A Very Important Job

2010-05-14T22:59:00.004-04:00

Being confrontational used to be tough. Learning to be an advocate for my children has definitely been a challenge. I like getting along with others; I don't like to rock the boat too much. However, their have been times that I have had to stand up for the boys. Tonight for example, the nurse wanted to pull Asher's NG tube. He took the last 5 feedings by mouth decently, so she wanted to go ahead and pull the tube. I asked her what would happen if at 2 AM, Asher decided to sleep through his feeding. She said that she would just put the tube back down. Well, that might sound like a good plan, but having an NG tube pushed up your nose and down your throat seems mighty uncomfortable. Judging by Asher's response when he has an NG tube put down, he's definitely uncomfortable. In fact, usually two people are involved, one holding him down and the other putting the tube down. Needless to say, I would prefer the little guy to have to undergo as few uncomfortable moments as possible. The nurse was very agreeable, and I'm sure she's a wonderful person. I'm glad, though, that I am blessed enough to be able to spend time at the hospital. Being there with the boys, knowing what is going on, being able to ask questions....all so very important. Sometimes I worry that I'm being too pushy, but then I think, "oh, well." I remember that I'm looking out for two little people that rely on me to have their best interest at heart. A very important job.. . :)

Nothing is Impossible

2010-05-13T23:58:00.002-04:00

Slow, but steady... Asher continues to make progress. We will start trying all feedings by mouth again in the next day or so. The last time we tried this tactic, Asher wasn't quite ready. Hopefully, he will do well on his second go around. Once he takes all of his feedings by mouth and continues to gain weight, he will go home. I am really praying as he works through his feedings in the next week or so, that Sam's throat will truly heal. If he can pass his swallow study, he will not be far behind Asher. They could go home at almost the same time, because once Sam can swallow properly, he shouldn't have any problem taking bottles. Please pray that Sam's new treatment will heal his throat, and that his swallowing would improve radically. Please pray that he will pass his next swallow study and begin eating well by mouth. Everyone has told us that the boys will go home at different times, and the way it looks now, Sam will still be hospitalized for awhile. I'm praying, though, that God would surprise everyone, as He has done countless times thus far. Why not pray for the seemingly impossible, because as one of my favorite verses states... "for with God nothing will be impossible (Luke 1:37)?"

2010-05-12T23:04:00.002-04:00

Asher decided that he didn't want his NG tube in tonight. We have the shirts with cuffed mitts, but he managed to wiggle his arm out of the top of his gown and the tube was the first thing he went for; in a matter of minutes the nurse said he went from asleep to waving his NG tube around. I can't say I blame him. Who wants a tube down their nose? Daddy grabbed the camera to get a picture of the guy with a "free" face. (if you didn't notice, Asher's balding :) Sam's had quite few visitors today. All of the NICU nurses have been by to see him and hold him. I don't have to worry about him laying in the crib and crying. All of the nurses have been loving on him when I'm not around. Having to split my time between the two nurseries has been a little crazy. I miss having the guys together, but I remind myself that the separation is only temporary.

2010-05-11T23:21:00.002-04:00

Sam was snoozing when I left the hospital tonight. He handled the procedure as well as he could, thankfully. The doctor said that his vocal folds and anatomy appear normal. He also said his epiglottis, vocal folds, and basically, everything in his throat was very swollen. Sam is now being fed by an ND tube, a tube that goes all the way from his nose to his small intestine. The nurses send a continuous drip through the tube. The idea is that he won't reflux for two weeks, giving his throat a chance to heal. After spending 15 hours straight at the hospital, I am exhausted. The pillow calls...

Moving Day

2010-05-10T23:50:00.002-04:00

We make the move tomorrow at 7:30 am. Sam should be well settled before the 2 pm procedure. Jess is planning on coming, for which I am thankful. The pulmonologist said that we are welcome to watch the procedure. I'm not sure if I would have wanted to witness the bronch, but would have for Sam's sake. Jess, however, does not have any qualms; one more reason that I'm glad that he's my husband and the boys' father. He can stay with Sam while I feed Asher. Hopefully, by the time my slow eater tries to finish up his bottle, Daddy will have good news about sweet Sam. My heart hurts as I think about Sam undergoing yet another procedure, but I know that we need to find treatment to help the painful reflux and swallowing issues. He seems to suffer through every feeding. Thank you for praying for our little guy. He's such a tough little fellow. He's been through more in his four months than most people endure in their lifetime. Despite it all, though, everyone who meets him falls in love with his sweet disposition and bright eyes. He has nurses and therapists wrapped around his finger (not to mention his mommy and daddy). At this point, I have prayed and reminded myself that we have already given Sam to the Lord. He is in His hands. I look forward to holding him safely in my arms for a good cuddling session after the procedure is over tomorrow.

"For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind."-2 Timothy 1:7

Being a mom...

2010-05-09T23:54:00.002-04:00

A board member dropped roses by the Ronald McDonald House today in honor of Mother's Day. She asked me if I was a new mother. Jess and I both chimed in almost at the same time, "no." In hindsight, I'm thinking that she would consider a mom of not quite 4 month old twins as a new mother. I guess these four months feel like they have aged us both quite a few years. I have reflected a bit on what being a mother means to me today. I know that I have just begun and that what I have learned barely scratches the surface. The boys aren't even home yet... but still, God has certainly used our recent experiences to teach and mold us.

Being a Mom....

Being a mom means humbling myself and learning that God is in control.
Being a mom means praying.
Being a mom means entrusting my boys to the Lord rather than allowing fear and worry to cripple me.
Being a mom means allowing Jess the opportunity to experience fatherhood without hovering and critiquing.
Being a mom means forgoing sleep even when a nap sounds like the most wonderful word in the English language.
Being a mom means taking care of myself so I can take care of my boys.
Being a mom means that sometimes my children will hurt and all I can do is pray.
Being a mom means crying tears of joy and sadness.
Being a mom means sacrifice.
Being a mom means loving my husband even more than I did before.
Being a mom means laughing over the silly things in life, like toots and poopy diapers.
Being a mom of twins means that sometimes, someone might just have to cry for a little while. :)
Being a mom means keeping perspective and not letting the petty things of life distract from what is precious.
Being a mom means experiencing overwhelming joy and love.

I love being a mom.